Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
