just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
