I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
