I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
