Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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