yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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