im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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