i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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