I puked a lego.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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