Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
