Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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