is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
