I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
