So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
