I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
