my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
