they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
