You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
