thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
