Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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