we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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