God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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