Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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