Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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