She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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