The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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