I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
