just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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