I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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