I must be too annoying 4 u.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
