It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
