If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
