girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
