I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
