u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
