He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
