dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
