here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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