Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
3pm strippers are depressing
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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