I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
