The maid of honor just puked.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
