Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
