6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
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