No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
