I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
