My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
