you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
