Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
