Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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