i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
